


For me

by 221moriarty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221moriarty/pseuds/221moriarty
Summary: Dean's hand shook, his mind blank. He shouldn't be doing this. Everything, mind stomach, heart; told him it was wrong. To drop the weapon and run. Yet the metal felt so good in his hand, like a key to a lock, to perfect to be any where else.He raised the gun up to the mans forehead, brown eyes meeting green. For Cas. His finger rubbed across the trigger. For Cas. He fixed his grip, adjusting his stance. For Cas. One last breath parted his lips, and he pulled the trigger.-Contains violence and other triggers





	For me

Dean nudged the bedroom door open with his foot, each hand holding a warm mug as his steps fell silently on the wood flooring, not wanting to startle the sleeping man, or spill the boiling water. he placed each mug on the bedside counter, then crouched next his boyfriend, green eyes wondering over his face. His eyes were closed, face relaxed and gentile, small breaths riased and lowered his chest. Dean's hands came up, slowly brushing a short strand of hair from the mans forehead, "angle" he whispered, hand brushing across castiel's cheek. "I made you some tea" 

After a second the others eyes fluttered opened softly, "morning" he whispered back. His blue eyes gazing across dean's face, making his heart race the same way it always did when his boyfriend would look at him. ever since day one, every day of every moment, Dean was sure he;d die from a heart attack.

"I made you a cup of tea" Dean repeated, softly . He picked up the colorful mug, handing it to his boyfriend once Cas had sat up. The dark haired man smiled softly at the mug he had been handed, eyes looking over the various images that had been printed on cheaply, and the long swirly letters of 'London' that had began to peel off.

Dean grabbed his own mug, socked patters following him as he walked around the bed then taking a seat on his side. "Remember when we went to London?" Cas asked, looking away from the cup and towards dean, who hummed in response. "It was beautiful" he continued, "Everything was so perfect." Dean watched as his boyfriend spoke, the way his eyes sparkled as he spoke of Big Ben, both hands wrapped around the mug, occasionally stopping to blow at his tea. Every movement seemed to be in slow motion, delicate and perfect, as if he was watching through a dream. 

"Remember the old lady who insisted on buying you a cookie, cause she thought you looked to angry?" Dean asked, taking a sip from his own mug. Cas smiled, shifting in his spot slightly so he could rest his head on dean's shoulder. 

"yah, she had the funny pink streaks in her hair" dean's thumb gazed across the rim of his mug as he listened to his boyfriend speak "Remember when you passed out on the plane back?" a smile was soft across the mans lips, a mimicked smile spreading across dean's. 

"London was the first time I herd you play" Dean said, eyes wondering away from his mug and across the room and to the ukulele that rested against their dresser. It was a smooth dark wood, with gold trimming along the edges , and gold strings attached. Across the body, patterns had been hand carved, soft swirls flowing up and down, and below the bridge the word 'angel" was carved in cursive. Dean had bought it for him a month after they had returned from England. He had ended up working two overtime's and an extra shift just so he could afford it, but the way Cas had smiled when he saw it, and the music he played every time he touched it, had made deans effort worth it. 

"Can you play for me now?"

Dean smiled as Cas got up, steps more careless then deans as he walked across the bedroom to grab the small instrument. dean  watched with wonder as his boyfriend sat back down, hands already adjusting themselves. "What should I play?" He asked softly looking up at Dean, eyes wide. 

"Anything" 

Cas nodded, adjusting his fingers one last time before his right hand began to strum. "Wise men say. Only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love within you" 

He could picture Cas perfectly without looking, the way he held the ukulele being burned in deans mind. How his shoulders would roll over just that little more, eyes almost closed as he watched his own hands, fingers strumming soft and delicate. It was beautiful, not the way of a model but the was the sun met the mountain, something that simply couldn't be recreated, or mimicked, and though dean had it memorized. He could never look away. 

"Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you" Cas paused, letting his hand strum one last time. "For I can't help falling in love with you" 

Dean lent forward as Cas looked up, one hand brushing across his boyfriends cheek, before his lips connected with the others. Dean could taste the mix of honey and tea across chapped lips, as his hands grazed down cas's sides. The others hands following up his back and around his neck. 

His finger played with the edge of cas's white shirt, getting a hitched breath as he dragged a finger across the other's stomach. He didn't want to move. not away from the taste of honey or from the touch of his boyfriend as castiel's fingers slowly trailed across his neck beginning to trace his spine. He didn't want to leave, and so even when a heavy knock came from the living room, dean stayed. "you should get the door" cas muttered against his lips. 

Dean only lightly shook his head. Fingers continued to roll up cas's shirt and only once he couldn't pull it up any further did they pull away, dean watched as castiel pulled the shirt over his head, the way he made it look so simple, the small breath he let out when he looked back at dean, every part, every motion. Dean watched as if it was the last time.  

Dean smiled, his lips back on the other's, hands on hips. Cas's touch trailed up his back, slow and gentile. Only their for second, never longer, until they finally rested at the base of  Dean's neck

A second knock came, much louder and longer then the first, castiel pulling away in shock. "I'll go check" dean muttered in annoyance, standing up from the warm bed as he did so. His foot steps were much heavier then before, as he walked to bedroom door, something holding him back from leaving so soon. 

He looked over his shoulder, to where his boyfriend sat, now in the middle of the bed, tea mug back in his hands, hair ruffled, cheeks a bright red. The sun raise, streaked the dark haired man, brightening his eyes. Cas had always been calmer in the mornings, more smiles gazing his lips, more careless with his words.  

'I miss you' Cas mouthed, slightly tilting his head to the right, a smile spreading across his face as dean mouthed the words back. 

Dean turned and walked down then small hallway, shoulders almost touching the picture covered walls. It was suffocating and dark, with the walls being not much wider then a kitchen chair, and the light above having burnt out weeks ago. It wasn't until he stepped into the larger sitting room that he could breath. Though it wasn't much bigger then their bedroom, it felt so much larger with glass windows that covered the far wall, looking over the street below. 

Dean looked away from the window as a third knock came from the door. Grumbling under his breath he walked through the small living room, and to the door, eyes gazing over the dirty dishes that he had planned to clean the night before. It had stacked much higher then expect, making the task less and less appealing each day. 

He didn't check the peep hole, it wasn't worth it. though as he opened the door to reveal the grinning face of his red headed friend, he silently wished he had. 

"Good morning Dean!" Charlie said, pushing a to go cup into his hands. She didn't make a move to walk into the apartment, though her eyes wandered behind dean's shoulder, as if she was looking for something the male had promised her. 

"Charlie?" He questioned. "W-what are you doing here" 

The girls fingers fidgeted with the edge of her book bag. "I'm driving you to work" she hadn't been able to meet dean's eyes, no matter how hard he stared at her face, and all dean wanted to do was reach out and hold her face In place, just long enough to look her in the eye and stop the nervous head gestures that she constantly seemed to do. 

"I don't work on Saturday's" dean replied. He lent against the door frame, both hands now wrapped around the to go cup that smelt strongly of coffee. 

Charlie stopped her nervous gestures, eyes finally meeting dean's, whether in shock or fear, he couldn't decide. "Dean" she began, her voice suddenly soft, "it's Wednesday"

He rolled his eyes at Charlie, "and suddenly east is up and north is to the right." Dean pulled his phone from his pajama pocket, thumb pressing down on the home button. The cracked iPhone screen lit up to a photo of himself and Cas where the numbers 7:44 lit up just above their heads, and below in the perfect block letters Wednesday, September 19th was printed. 

He looked up at Charlie, who hadn't made a movement, "but Cas told me it was Saturday" 

"Dean, Cas is-" 

"F*ck I'm gonna be late" he muttered under his breath, barely noticing Charlie had even spoken. "Give me tw-FOUR minutes!"

Not waiting for a response he turned and walked back through the apartment, foot steps fast and heavy. 

Walking into his bedroom, his eyes went immediatly to Cas, who still sat on the bed shirtless, now motionless as he stared out the window. 

"Cas you damn lier, it's Wednesday" dean explained as he pulled a dresser drawer open, pulling out a pair of jeans and black t-shirt. 

Cas didn't turn, not even making a flinch at his boyfriends sudden anger. The only reason that dean even knew Cas herd him was from the small 'oh' that had left his lips. 

Anger boiled, as dean pulled his jeans on, swearing under his breath as the zipper got stuck. "Oh!" He replied pulling his t-shirt over his head, eyes watching his frozen boyfriend, "that's all you can say? I was late twice last month! I don't think you realize this but if I loose this job we're going to be on the streets" 

Dean waited for a scream from his boyfriend, an angry snap back, even an annoyed grumble, but when the dark haired man didn't move. His arms still wrapped around his knees, eyes lost in the blue sky, dean could only turn away, walking out of the bedroom with curses filling his head. 

"Dean are you alright?" Charlie asked once the apartment door had been closed and the pair were walking through the rundown hall towards the staircase. "Me and Sam are worried about you, especially after the Cas thing" 

"Charlie it was just some fight, it's not like we're going young and restless crazy, and having children behind each others back" 

The red head adjusted her book bag, biting her lip awkwardly. She gave a small thank you as dean held the staircase door open for her. "I think you should call Sam tonight"

"I think I don't need a dam babysitter every second of my life"  

Charlie opened her mouth to argue, though after a second of thought seemed to decide it wasn't worth fighting over. 

The rest of walk down the stairs was just as silent, only breaths and foots steps echoing against the walls. It wasn't until that they had exited through the front doors and were getting into Charlie's car that dean spoke again. "I think I found you a girlfriend" dean said, as he took a seat in the passenger side. His hand pulling the seat belt over his body before he began flicking through the CDs. 

"Gay or straight?" Charlie asked. 

"From the rainbow heart tattoo on her wrist and the four piercings in one ear, definitely gay"

"Put on mania by fall out boy" the girl said, twisting the keys a few times until a creaky coughing engine became slightly quieter. She picked up her black framed glasses, pushing them on her nose before she checked her shoulder. 

"Aww come on Charles" Dean complained. He pulled out an almost completely black CD case, "what about Metallica!" 

"I have a fall out boy concert in thirteen days, you better put that CD in or so help me Dean Winchester I will push you out of this car" 

Dean looked out the side window rolling his eyes. The car was barely moving never mind fast enough to do him any damage, with Charlie consistently checking her shoulder, hitting the gas only to seconds later slam her foot on the break. "Charles your just gonna have to go for it" dean said checking his own shoulder, just to see the last car in miles drive past them. 

The red head nodded, a strand of hair falling into her face that she quickly brushed a side. Her fingers tighten around the steering wheel, paling skin turning almost translucent. The gas pedal was pressed and the car went shooting backwards, out of the parking spot and past both lanes stopping inches from the other parked cars. Dean lurched forwards as Charlie's foot quickly stomped on the breaks. 

Dean smiled, trying to be reassuring though from the smile he received it probably wasn't what it had looked like.

"I told this girl you had a car you needed fixed" dean said, watching Charlie back up a little more to get into the right lane, "but if you keep driving like that their isn't going to be much for her to fix" 

Charlie rolled her eyes, beginning to drive down the street now much smoother "hardy har" she replied sarcastically, brushing the same strand hair behind her ear again, "If it wasn't for me, your snarky *ss would be walking to work every day" 

"Aww Charles I know you love me and my snarky *ss" 

"Not as much as I'm gonna love my new girlfriend" 

Dean grinned. "Well let me tell you about her then" he tapped his finger against door handle as he spoke, green eyes watching as the city buildings wizzed by. "She's about the same height as you, maybe a bit shorter. She has kinda bro- well more dark brown long hair that she does in curls an-" 

"Like Peggy carter brown?" 

Dean paused for a second, "more of slave leia... now stop interrupting and let me continue." Charlie huffed but didn't say more "She wore a black leather jacket, with a guns and roses shirt and ripped jeans, she wasn't the happiest looking, but very pretty, kinda sarcastic, in a dark and mysteries kinda way, you know?" 

Charlie nodded, "she sounds more like your-jerk!" the red head said interrupting herself as a red car cut her off, "kind of girl" 

"I have Cas"

Charlie bit her lip hesitantly, as if she wanted to say something yet couldn't find the courage to. "I think, you should start working with me" she finally said, eyes starring forward not even sending a glance dean's way. 

The Winchester stared at his friend, green eyes glancing over her face, along her nose, past her ears that were pierced with small cat earrings and over her lips that she continued to chew at.  When she didn't move a muscle, never mind speak dean could only sigh in defeat. "I already told you I-" 

"Yah, yah I know. My job pays what fifty cents less?" 

"Two dollars and forty six cents" dean corrected, he began to tuck his black t-shirt in as the neared the cafe. "Bedsides I enjoy my job" 

Charlie laughed sarcastically as she pulled up in front of the closed, yet very busy coffee shop, "I hope you have fun today at your 'enjoyable' job" Charlie hummed watching as dean fumbled with the door handle. 

"Thanks for the ride" he said once he stood outside, hands adjusting the back of his shirt that had been tucked in just a little bit to long. 

"No problem" Charlie replied, a smile across her lips, one hand raising to wave dean off as she pulled away.

Dean smiled back watching as the rusted car drove away. It had been a good minute before he dared to even turn, not ready to face the large line of costumers that he'd soon be serving. 

One breath. That's all he aloud himself before his feet began to shuffle and he turned away from the streets and towards the buildings. His eyes immediately landing on the long line of waiting people, most bundled up in light jackets and toques, though a few wore nothing more then shorts and t-shirts. Dean's heart dropped, and he could only wish that he still lay in bed, listening to Cas as he his fingers strummed the ukulele.

By the end of work dean was utterly done. His head pounded from never ending screaming children. His t-shirt had becomes stained with a strong smelling vanilla syrup and though he hadn't done much, his feet burned from being on them all day. 

Dean had been out of the cafe faster then Kevin, his coworker could say goodbye, he's heart pounding as he ran. Outside he knew Sam waited for him. Probably sitting with his text books in lap, humming along to whatever god awful song he had found on the radio. Even so the moment dean's hand pushed open the glass doors, the fresh air touching his cheeks, he looked to the left; wondering if he could run it before sam noticed him. 

He started walking that way, hoping to get behind a large group of people, but as he got with in arms length of them, a horn that could only be described as a dying animal filled the streets. Freezing dean in spot. He turned away from the people, and towards the parked, dark blue truck that had let out the god awful noise. Inside dean's scruffy haired brother sat, hand up and waving towards dean. 

Dean groaned, stomping towards the car like a child who'd been dragged away from his friends house. He didn't wave back, he only pulled the door open, slamming it shut behind him once he was sat down. 

"How was your day" Sam asked. He tossed the book he'd been reading to the backseat. Dean only watched, as his brother gave him an awkward grin, before the keys were turned and the engine came to life. 

He watched until the silence felt more like a torture to himself then Sam. "I told charlie I don't need a dam babysitter" he muttered, despite the anger that burned through him his words were flat, completely emotionless. He only stared at the other Winchester as he spoke, hands clenched to his side, "and certainly not my little brother, you should be becoming a lawyer! Not driving me around" 

Sam glanced over watching him in a way that made dean feel like a dog in a foster home. Screaming and banging yet only getting looks of sympathy. "Dean I'm worried about you" 

 

A second groan left his lips. He twisted his body to look out the window instead of daring to face his brother, "i'm fine" he spat, wrapping his arms around his body. 

"I think you should go to a doctors" when no response came after seconds ticked by sam sighed. "Or at least a therapist" 

"SAM I TOLD YOU IM F*CKING FINE" dean screamed he turned towards the other. Sam didn't flinch, or turn, he only continued to look forward thumb tapping against the steering wheel. The younger Winchester was frustratingly calm, dean wanted him to scream back, fight, do something, let it go, through a punch. Anything that would help whatever burning pain that screamed deep in dean's head. 

"Dean things haven't been the same since Cas wa-" 

"Let me out" dean interrupted

"Dean" Sam finally turned fully. 

"I said; let. Me. Out" 

The next parking spot Sam found he pulled into, neither of them speaking as dean got out, no goodbye, no nothing, just the slam of a door and the low hum as the trucks engine was flicked on. The truck drove out seconds after and Dean was left alone to walk the last two or so blocks.

Dean didn't cry as he walked along the busy sidewalk. He couldn't. Not with everyone around, not with the burning anger that clawed him away, inside, out. He had wanted to cry when facing Sam. Yet much like as he walked he couldn't. Not in front of his baby brother, not when he was suppose to be strongest. 

His nails dug deeper as he turned right, off the street of shops and towards one of the many residential parts of the city. The buildings were much shorter, and the common city sounds had died down, only to a small hum, that faded even more the closer dean got to his apartment building. His was a small cheap one, four floors high, made almost completely out of cement. Each floor only contained five or six apartments that couldn't be much bigger then a regular McDonald's. It was falling apart, with poor heating, and even worst cooling, the renter was obnoxious, with a squeaky voice and the neighbours were often a little to loud. Yet dean couldn't love it more. It was his home, the first apartment he and Cas had bought together, the place they had their first kiss. Messy and drunken, but beautiful never less. It had been the start to their everything, and dean wasn't sure he could ever leave that behind. 

Dean unlocked his apartment door, letting it slowly close behind him as he wondered in, through the kitchen and into the conjoined living room. He took a seat at the edge of the window, back pressed to the couch as he watched the side walk where he had been only minutes before.

He stared outside, body motionless. Soft breaths parting his lips every few seconds. Nothing moved, for a minute, then two, and only till after another minute had passed did dean look away. Meeting the eyes of his boyfriend, as castiel quietly wondered into the room. 

"Hey love" dean greeted softly, he patted the spot next to him, inviting the other to join him. 

Cas smiled, walking to dean then taking a seat next to him. "Hey" he replied softly, lacing his fingers in with dean's, head resting against his shoulder the same way he had that morning. 

Silence fell upon them for another minute, neither speaking as they both watched out the window. "What's wrong?" Dean looked down at his boyfriend, though Cas only continued to stare out the window, shifting a little bit to get more comfortable. 

He wanted to lie, spit out something, but watching Cas, delicate and kind, who sat with his knees to his chest like a child, made those lies stay stuck in his throat. "Sam and Charlie were bugging me again." He paused, resting his head on top of Cas's. "They want me to leave you" 

Castiel hummed softly, a beat that dean didn't recognize, as he thought.  "We should leave" 

"I wish we could" dean replied wishful. 

"No" he frowned lighting as Cas sat up properly, blue eyes looking over dean's face, hands pressed to the ground. "Let's just do it" 

Dean laughed lightly, but stopped quickly aas Cas stared at him in such intensity that he could only shift awkwardly under the gaze. "Cas we can't just runaway we have a life here, a home, jobs" he argued half heartedly, having to fight himself from saying yes. He would love to runaway. To somewhere new just him and Cas, lay with the man every day, ride trains to new places every night. Get to be with Cas every second of every day. 

"Please Dean" his heart tugged as Cas sat up onto his knees, taking dean's hands into his own. "Please" he pleaded, "do this for me" 

~~~


End file.
